Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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