I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
