So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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