omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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