Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
