dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunk is not a location!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
