i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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