OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
