You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
