My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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