Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
