i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
