party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
