if you like me you must not know who I am
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
