Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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