8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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