Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
