What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
