The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
