Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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