Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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