I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
