Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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