he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
