how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
