Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
