Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
