yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
