In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
