My nipple is on Facebook.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
