Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
