Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Rumble strips road head = magical
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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