i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
