Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
