I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He felt like a one man threesome
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
