somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
