Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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