I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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