Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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