We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
