what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
