My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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