Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
