When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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