Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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