she kept yelling 'call me bella'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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