Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
