Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
