OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
