hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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