Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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