i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
