I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
